If I had my way

I often find myself daydreaming these little scenarios of what our life would be like if I had given us a chance. Most involves cooking, as it's a passion we both share. Sometimes we're at home together in our big, open kitchen in our home near theocean . I'm leaning on the counter, glass of wine in hand, watching you work your magic with our meal. It's always a warm and comfortable feeling. It just feels right. Other times I imagine you being at work in the evening and I'm at home in a great room with many windows, stretched out after a day of working in my home office. I'm reading a book, killing time and occasionally glancing at the sun going down over the horizon. I fall asleep and am awakened by kisses and a hug from you which, of course, leads to much more. We'll pick our clothes up off the floor in the morning...
Another daydream has the two of us cooking in the kitchen together for friends that are gathered around on bar-stools chatting with us and drinking while they watch us prepare the feast for us all. Our home is full of laughter and good cheer being surrounded by people we love. Another happy daydream has us in the midst of football season, again, surrounded by friends and family in our home watching a game and munching on the bevy of food we've prepared (I suppose we'd better be rich to afford feeding the masses so often!). We occasionally catch each other's eye across the room and smile, knowing that when the house clears, we'll have each other.... The darker side of my daydreams have me afraid of hurting you and seeing that hurt in your face and never being able to see you smile again. I suppose this last daydream is closer to our reality since we were over before we began. It hurts me to think of you being without love, knowing that I'm wanting but still incapable of giving you the love you deserve. It hurts even more to want to tell you this umpteen times a day without coming across as a lunatic. Life isn't always fair. So, until the next life, I'll continue to live in my happier daydreams of what I know we could be. If this was a reality right now, I'm 100% sure I would be in your arms rather than at my computer loving and being loved.

Tender is the night

For all you are to me,

you will not know.

For all I need you for,

I will not show.

Sleep tight my friend,

our bond so new.

Sleep tight my friend

the whole night through.



Good Night! Sweet Dreams

The Beauty of Your Gap-Toothed Smile

How I think about you, stretched halfway across Brooklyn
among million dollar apartments and flea markets
while I am nestled in a window at the bottom of a hill,
the gray sky wilting all my hope
of ever seeing you again,
begging for the sky to turn
the color of your flawless eyes
which connected to me so easily.
How I think of your gap-toothed smile
and wonder if I will ever see it again,
or hear you breathe my name
in the gentleness of the morning,
or your soft steps as you passed me
like sleet on drifts of darkened snow.
But, as endless as our winter,
is the hope my heart has held.
Will it ever be August again?

The light went out...

And, it’s done, over, finished. So many words for a simple thing like the end.
It has been over long time ago but today it feels real.

Something that was mine dissolved, changed shape, never to be mine again.
Yes, I am saying mine even though you were never mine, you were always yours only.
I have been missing you and I am going to miss you, no doubt about it.
So many questions I have, even if I got one answer, I know its not enough, but I am keeping my promise.
When I think of you , sadness envelops me, for all that was, for all that never was and for all that could have been.
Ice cube on my palm, it will melt slowly, turn to puddle and eventually will disappear.... like you ...

Can't stop thinking about you....

I see a beautiful sky, or a storm rolling in, and I think of the times we spent watching them, admiring them, together. I see the birds flying past or landing in my yard and remember when you took me to see one special bird, the first time I'd seen one. Something happens, whether good, bad or indifferent, and I pick up the phone to call you. Then I remember. You don't care. I go to the harbor and something always reminds me of you. I can't go on that beautiful path without crying. Nights are the worst. I lay in bed, trying to sleep, and feel you next to me. I reach out and actually FEEL you there, feel your chest, the rise and fall of your breath. I feel you gently scratching my arm and I smile. I turn to look, and you aren't there. It's killing me.

Who What Where When Why How....

Who knows where a rainbow starts?

What does a wave feel when its about to break?

Where do a rain drops turn to snow?

When does a hurricane know when its gonna spin?

Why does lightning need the ground?

How does an avalanche feel before it falls?

Here Comes Goodbye

I can hear the truck tires coming up the gravel road
And it's not like him to drive that slow, nothing's on the radio
Footsteps on the front porch, I hear my doorbell
He usually comes right in, now I can tell

Here comes goodbye
Here comes the last time
Here comes the start of every sleepless night
The first of every tear I'm gonna cry

Here comes the pain
Here comes me wishing things had never changed
And he was right here in my arms tonight
But here comes goodbye