Lost

As I stand before the mirror I don't recognize the stranger staring back at me.
I miss the person I used to be.
I miss myself, the person I thought I was before I realized the truth. I tricked myself all my life into believing I was 'different', 'unique' 'loved' and 'capable of loving without reservation'. I was trusting, caring, selfless, and much more. For better or worse lots has changed me to become distant, unable to trust, miserable. I miss that once happy and joyful girl I was. I bounced with joy. Now its hard for me to even laugh or smile. I miss the times when I laughed so hard I cried. Now all I see are tears and no laughter seems to be found. What causes us to lose our joy? Sometimes I see people how they are happy and I envy them knowing I don't have that anymore and they do. Its really not fair. I miss that person. I miss her so much. How could I have let her get away?
Its like mourning the death of a loved one.
I often am in quest to find that person again.
I hope I can find my way.