If I had my way

I often find myself daydreaming these little scenarios of what our life would be like if I had given us a chance. Most involves cooking, as it's a passion we both share. Sometimes we're at home together in our big, open kitchen in our home near theocean . I'm leaning on the counter, glass of wine in hand, watching you work your magic with our meal. It's always a warm and comfortable feeling. It just feels right. Other times I imagine you being at work in the evening and I'm at home in a great room with many windows, stretched out after a day of working in my home office. I'm reading a book, killing time and occasionally glancing at the sun going down over the horizon. I fall asleep and am awakened by kisses and a hug from you which, of course, leads to much more. We'll pick our clothes up off the floor in the morning...
Another daydream has the two of us cooking in the kitchen together for friends that are gathered around on bar-stools chatting with us and drinking while they watch us prepare the feast for us all. Our home is full of laughter and good cheer being surrounded by people we love. Another happy daydream has us in the midst of football season, again, surrounded by friends and family in our home watching a game and munching on the bevy of food we've prepared (I suppose we'd better be rich to afford feeding the masses so often!). We occasionally catch each other's eye across the room and smile, knowing that when the house clears, we'll have each other.... The darker side of my daydreams have me afraid of hurting you and seeing that hurt in your face and never being able to see you smile again. I suppose this last daydream is closer to our reality since we were over before we began. It hurts me to think of you being without love, knowing that I'm wanting but still incapable of giving you the love you deserve. It hurts even more to want to tell you this umpteen times a day without coming across as a lunatic. Life isn't always fair. So, until the next life, I'll continue to live in my happier daydreams of what I know we could be. If this was a reality right now, I'm 100% sure I would be in your arms rather than at my computer loving and being loved.