Love

Love is so natural. I feel like an awkward kid around you. I got online and studied all the signs and sure enough I'm in love with you. Part of me wants to run, part of me wants to grab you and kiss you, right now I'm dying to just talk to you. I've never thought about anyone as much as I think about you. I'm hoping you feel the same? If I had one wish right now it would to be in a romantic place with you alone. I see this vision in my mind day and night, you and me together. You are perfect. I dont care about anything else.

Happiness

is waking up from a dream, being asked by someone if everything is ok while they look gently into your eyes and brush the curls from your face, calling you endearing names like ‘sweetness’ or ‘sha’ … you smile and nod and plant a tender kiss on their lips, telling them not to worry, as the pieces of the puzzle begin to align and it all suddenly makes sense…and you realize you never not want to hear their voice again.

Lost in those eyes...

Every part of my body, every sense is set ablaze when you're close to me and time seems to be frozen in those moments when our eyes meet. It's why I make every effort to keep my distance when we're in the same room. Yet, even still I am besieged with these images of you. Every attempt to abate this growing desire has been in vain. Your very presence invoking seductive visions tear through my mind like a raging tempest bent on bringing me to my knees. Those eyes...

My heart...

It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I'd wish for nothing in exchange. No gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.

That dreamy voice....

The dulcet tones of your golden voice are the soundtrack to my mornings. That captivating, hell born grin makes every part of me ache. Thanks for all the commuter assistance:)

Wondering.....

How many of you come home from a long day of laborious activity (mental or physical) and you're thinking to yourself as you're recalling your day - "What am I doing? Why is this pointless? I'm exhausted, I'm done, but I'm trying to not give up"? What makes you go on?

Motions of living

Breathe in, breathe out. Choking back tears and plastering a smile on my face.

Inside there's a hurricane of emotion, ripping at me with needle sharp talons.

I laugh, I flirt, I text, I post.

I go through the motions of living, wearing sunglasses so no one can see the torment of my soul reflected in the dark pools of my eyes.

I work, I play, I live, I lie to myself.

But I'm no longer alive.

I've prayed and now I can only wait, hoping......

To be saved before I get lost in the nothingness I've become!!

Wow, what a lot of birthday wishes………..

I just wanted to take a moment and say thanks to everyone that sent me a Birthday wishes via email, calls, texts, Facebook or Twitter. Those of you that have reached out to me have truly made my day.

I’m was not expecting anything special , but all those flurry of warm wishes and toasts accompanied by cards, chocolates, flowers, pints of gelato and cake were very much appreciated.

I can’t help but sit and think about the last 24 years and be excited about the road ahead.

Twenty -four years ago on this date, May. 19th, my pregnant Mum unleashed me on this world.:P


My friends like to tease me that I make too big a deal out of my birthday. But like most people who partake in self-indulgent behavior, I blame my parents. From my first birthday and on, I was brought up that it is customary to be the center of attention on your birthday and the week surrounding it. From the time I could remember, I have had some pretty fantastic birthday parties as a kid.



As an adult, I have carried on the tradition and I have taught others to do the same. If you are one of my best friends or have ever dated me or are related to me by blood or by choice, you have had been surprised on birthday by me.



Why shouldn’t we make a big deal about the day we were born? Why shouldn’t we celebrate one more year of life? I mean it’s kind of insulting to your loved one, if we don’t celebrate, right?



Now, for anyone who knows me they know there are a couple of things I require for a great birthday party - a cake with candles, lots of people fussing over you, flowers, chocolates and birthday cards with meaningful messages about how fabulous and wonderful you think I am.



One year, my close galfrd forgot to wish me my b'day. Big mistake. She stills hears about it. But, I apparently got my message across, because I have had b'day wishes delivered to me with no interruptions.



Honestly, the reason why I get so excited about my birthday so much isn’t really about the cakes and cards, it’s a day when I am reminded of how blessed I am. I have a lot of people whom I have the privilege to love and who love me right back, and on my birthday that’s what I am celebrating. Out of everything in my life, it’s those relationships that I am most proud of. It’s those people who have helped shape who I am and who allow me to look forward to another year of life.



So, happy birthday to me and thanks to my mother for bringing me in this world. Thanks to my dad, because without him I wouldn’t have been so adored & pampered and thanks to my baby brother who makes my life rich and amusing; and thanks to all my friends for reminding me that it’s not about the cake or the cards, it’s about the people who are standing next to you in ups and downs of life, calming your nerves when needed and making you laugh at yourself for acting like an overgrown toddler, while at the same time shaking their heads, making 12 am midnight calls to ring in my B'day no matter what time zones they are in and buying this crazy girl b'day treats, and making sure its according to her taste.


After all, I'm not the measure of what I've done but more of who I'm and those who've I've surrounded myself with.

Try to remember to

Be kind

Enjoy the sunshine

Move your body in nature

Swim through the water


Eat your food with reverence

And, make everyone feel

at Ease

:)

If I had my way

I often find myself daydreaming these little scenarios of what our life would be like if I had given us a chance. Most involves cooking, as it's a passion we both share. Sometimes we're at home together in our big, open kitchen in our home near theocean . I'm leaning on the counter, glass of wine in hand, watching you work your magic with our meal. It's always a warm and comfortable feeling. It just feels right. Other times I imagine you being at work in the evening and I'm at home in a great room with many windows, stretched out after a day of working in my home office. I'm reading a book, killing time and occasionally glancing at the sun going down over the horizon. I fall asleep and am awakened by kisses and a hug from you which, of course, leads to much more. We'll pick our clothes up off the floor in the morning...
Another daydream has the two of us cooking in the kitchen together for friends that are gathered around on bar-stools chatting with us and drinking while they watch us prepare the feast for us all. Our home is full of laughter and good cheer being surrounded by people we love. Another happy daydream has us in the midst of football season, again, surrounded by friends and family in our home watching a game and munching on the bevy of food we've prepared (I suppose we'd better be rich to afford feeding the masses so often!). We occasionally catch each other's eye across the room and smile, knowing that when the house clears, we'll have each other.... The darker side of my daydreams have me afraid of hurting you and seeing that hurt in your face and never being able to see you smile again. I suppose this last daydream is closer to our reality since we were over before we began. It hurts me to think of you being without love, knowing that I'm wanting but still incapable of giving you the love you deserve. It hurts even more to want to tell you this umpteen times a day without coming across as a lunatic. Life isn't always fair. So, until the next life, I'll continue to live in my happier daydreams of what I know we could be. If this was a reality right now, I'm 100% sure I would be in your arms rather than at my computer loving and being loved.

Tender is the night

For all you are to me,

you will not know.

For all I need you for,

I will not show.

Sleep tight my friend,

our bond so new.

Sleep tight my friend

the whole night through.



Good Night! Sweet Dreams

The Beauty of Your Gap-Toothed Smile

How I think about you, stretched halfway across Brooklyn
among million dollar apartments and flea markets
while I am nestled in a window at the bottom of a hill,
the gray sky wilting all my hope
of ever seeing you again,
begging for the sky to turn
the color of your flawless eyes
which connected to me so easily.
How I think of your gap-toothed smile
and wonder if I will ever see it again,
or hear you breathe my name
in the gentleness of the morning,
or your soft steps as you passed me
like sleet on drifts of darkened snow.
But, as endless as our winter,
is the hope my heart has held.
Will it ever be August again?

The light went out...

And, it’s done, over, finished. So many words for a simple thing like the end.
It has been over long time ago but today it feels real.

Something that was mine dissolved, changed shape, never to be mine again.
Yes, I am saying mine even though you were never mine, you were always yours only.
I have been missing you and I am going to miss you, no doubt about it.
So many questions I have, even if I got one answer, I know its not enough, but I am keeping my promise.
When I think of you , sadness envelops me, for all that was, for all that never was and for all that could have been.
Ice cube on my palm, it will melt slowly, turn to puddle and eventually will disappear.... like you ...

Can't stop thinking about you....

I see a beautiful sky, or a storm rolling in, and I think of the times we spent watching them, admiring them, together. I see the birds flying past or landing in my yard and remember when you took me to see one special bird, the first time I'd seen one. Something happens, whether good, bad or indifferent, and I pick up the phone to call you. Then I remember. You don't care. I go to the harbor and something always reminds me of you. I can't go on that beautiful path without crying. Nights are the worst. I lay in bed, trying to sleep, and feel you next to me. I reach out and actually FEEL you there, feel your chest, the rise and fall of your breath. I feel you gently scratching my arm and I smile. I turn to look, and you aren't there. It's killing me.